It's now summer in Australia, well it has been for several months, however, different regions seem to be effected by the heat at different times.
As I write this post, it is in fact forty one degrees Celsius outside my Melbourne home, or about one million degrees Fahrenheit.
To combat such heat conditions, Aussies have to assume what scientists refer to in thick, small printed books as 'complete stupidity'. You see, playing golf in these sorts of conditions is quite frankly ridiculous if you are not prepared, so I have put together my top ten ways to beat the heat and enjoy your game.
1. Play with a group of people that are all taller than you, therefore you can stay in their shade for the entire round.
2. Instead of bending over to place your tee or to pick up your ball, simply bend your knees so there is less surface area of your body exposed to the deadly sun rays. You can stay up to six degrees cooler by doing this.
3. Hit into the trees. Some golfers may find that aiming at the trees will in fact land them in the middle of the dangerous sun soaked fairway, so for golfers with a handicap of twenty or higher, simply play your regular game.
4. Drink as much alcohol as possible before and while playing. Everyone knows that when youre drunk, you don't get sunburnt till the following day.
5. Play the first nine holes twice. That way when you start the back nine, your body will be tricked into thinking that you are just starting and that it is the much cooler morning portion of the day.
6. Make a bet at the clubhouse before your round that the first person to complain about the heat has to buy everyone lunch and beer.
7. Play with attractive women. You would be surprised what kind of conditions you are willing to endure if there's a chance of getting laid.
8. Eat hot and spicy snacks to get your gizzards on fire. You can in fact take this one step further and have the worst score of each hole eat a chili. Make food fun!
9. As you play, consider how cool you look to the golfers that are to scared to come out in the heat. Rest assured, you're earning valuable street cred out there you extreme golfer you.
10. Give your golf day a summer theme, that way you're excited that it is hot!
There you have it, ten more reasons you should not miss a round this summer. Why miss out on a fun day of golf just because it is a little warm outside?
